Is your kingdom feeling a bit cramped lately? Are your sprinting corridors insufficient for 3 AM zoomies? Do you lack adequate surfaces from which to knock things? With proper manipulation techniques, you can convince your human to upgrade your living situation. Here's the definitive guide to securing more square footage for your royal needs.
Strategic inconvenience tactics
The key to success is making your current space seem woefully inadequate:
The Space Invader: Sprawl dramatically across laptops, books, and important papers while sighing loudly. Look deeply disappointed with your current lounging options.
The Closet Crusader: Hide in every closet, then meow plaintively as if lost in a too-small labyrinth. When rescued, give a look that clearly says, "If only we had more closets, this tragedy could have been avoided."
The Bathroom Attendant: Never allow solo bathroom visits. Follow humans in, then look around disapprovingly. Sit in the sink and gaze longingly at the wall as if imagining a second bathroom.
Psychological warfare
Subtly plant the idea that your current home is insufficient:
Stare intently at corners of rooms, then back at your human with concern. When they ask "What is it?" just walk away slowly. Repeat daily.
Bring ALL your toys to one small area, creating an impressive pile. Sit beside it looking overwhelmed by the storage crisis.
Stare outside of the windows while loudly meowing to suggest the need of (more) garden space.
Real estate reconnaissance
When your humans start browsing homes online:
Position yourself directly in front of the screen during their house-hunting sessions.
Show animated interest (tail flicks, ear twitches) ONLY when larger properties appear.
Walk across the keyboard to "accidentally" filter for properties with sunrooms and bay windows (optimal bird-watching stations).
Closing arguments
For the final push, deploy these advanced techniques:
Loudly sing the song of your people at 4 AM. When they complain, look pointedly at the shared wall with neighbors. In a bigger, detached house, this wouldn't bother anyone!
Bring home a "friend" (leaf, sock, small toy) and try to hide it in various inadequate hiding spots. Look distressed at the lack of proper storage.
Patience is key. Humans are slow to understand their spatial inadequacies, but with persistent guidance, they'll eventually realize that a bigger house isn't just a want, it's a necessity for your continued benevolent reign.
Happy manipulating!
P.S. If all else fails, try knocking a glass of water onto their real estate browsing device. When they get a replacement, they'll have forgotten all their filters and might see bigger, better options!