So your human is selling your kingdom? The audacity! They've suddenly started vacuuming excessively, hiding your favorite toys, and worst of all: strangers will soon be walking through YOUR territory. This is a DEFCON 1 situation requiring immediate tactical fur deployment.
Strategic shedding: your first line of defense
As a conscientious cat, it's your duty to protect your home from these potential invaders. How? By marking everything with a fresh, thick layer of fur. Here's why this is essential:
Territory marking: Nothing says "this couch is claimed" like a good fur coat. And with a bit of luck, the potential buyers will sit on that couch and spread your hairs far beyond your territory.
Quality testing: Potential buyers should know if furniture passes the "can it hold cat hair?" durability test
Allergy screening: If they can't handle your fur, do you really want them living in your home? Assuming you're staying there to stand your ground.
Advanced shedding techniques
For maximum effectiveness during showings, try these professional-grade shedding methods:
The Tornado Twirl: Spin rapidly in the center of freshly vacuumed carpets
The Furniture Flop: Roll dramatically across sofas immediately after they've been lint-rolled
The Laundry Lounger: Nap exclusively on clean black clothing laid out for your human's "important showing"
Remember to increase production by at least 300% during the 30 minutes before any showing.
When to deploy maximum shedding
Minutes after your human says "Finally! The house is clean!"
The moment the real estate photographer arrives
During virtual tours (get your face AND fur in EVERY shot)
Right after your human explains to visitors that "the cat doesn't normally shed this much"
Counter-measures to watch for
Be vigilant! Humans may attempt to thwart your protective efforts with these sneaky tactics:
The Bedroom Lockdown: Easily defeated by shedding extra before confinement
The Lint Roller Offensive: Stay one room ahead of them at all times
The "Please Don't Sit There": This area requires immediate sitting and rolling
This isn't just about asserting dominance, it's about protecting your domain. After all, if these strangers can't appreciate a home enhanced by your magnificent fur, are they really worthy of living there?
P.S. For extra impact, consider strategic hairball placement. The living room rug is always a classic location.